YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE
Helpful things to
say to someone
who is struggling
emotionally
GIVING YOU THE TOOLS TO HELP SAVE A LIFE
Helpful things to say to someone who is struggling emotionally
We all need a bit of stress to meet our daily challenges and motivate us to reach our goals. Stress is a natural part of our lives but too much stress, can leave us feeling anxious, confused, distracted and may impact on our work performance. When stress becomes chronic (on-going), it begins to have a negative effect on us physically and emotionally. Depression, anxiety and fear are some of the most common and uncomfortable emotions that we can experience following difficult experiences.
Trauma is when we experience very stressful or frightening events that are difficult to cope with or out of our control. It may be a single incident or an ongoing incident and most of us will experience an invent in our lives that can be considered traumatic. Everyone experiences stress and trauma in their own way and different people will react differently to the same event. If someone has been experiencing high stress levels or if they have experienced a traumatic event, remember to check in on them.
We all need a bit of stress to meet our daily challenges and motivate us to reach our goals. Stress is a natural part of our lives but too much stress, can leave us feeling anxious, confused, distracted and may impact on our work performance. When stress becomes chronic (on-going), it begins to have a negative effect on us physically and emotionally. Depression, anxiety and fear are some of the most common and uncomfortable emotions that we can experience following difficult experiences.
Trauma is when we experience very stressful or frightening events that are difficult to cope with or out of our control. It may be a single incident or an ongoing incident and most of us will experience an invent in our lives that can be considered traumatic. Everyone experiences stress and trauma in their own way and different people will react differently to the same event. If someone has been experiencing high stress levels or if they have experienced a traumatic event, remember to check in on them.
What is stress?
Stress is a common and normal response to new or difficult life events such as retrenchment, exams, work deadlines, financial strain or a break-up. Stress affects us all in different ways and may look and feel different for different people. Stress may not be a medical diagnosis and we do need a certain level of stress in order to function; however chronic and persistent stress can result in long-term physical and psychological symptoms.
Stress can initiate the ‘fight or flight’ response, a complex reaction of the neurologic and endocrine systems. The fight or flight response is our body’s automatic reaction to stress or danger. It prepares us to either confront the threat or flee from it. It involves physiological changes like increased heart rate, adrenaline release, and heightened senses, all geared towards survival. Continuous or high-level stress can lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, loss of appetite, increased blood pressure, chest pain, sexual dysfunction, and problems sleeping. Stress can also cause or influence a broad range of physical health conditions such as heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome and mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety.
What is stress?
Stress is a common and normal response to new or difficult life events such as retrenchment, exams, work deadlines, financial strain or a break-up. Stress affects us all in different ways and may look and feel different for different people. Stress may not be a medical diagnosis and we do need a certain level of stress in order to function; however chronic and persistent stress can result in long-term physical and psychological symptoms.
Stress can initiate the ‘fight or flight’ response, a complex reaction of the neurologic and endocrine systems. The fight or flight response is our body’s automatic reaction to stress or danger. It prepares us to either confront the threat or flee from it. It involves physiological changes like increased heart rate, adrenaline release, and heightened senses, all geared towards survival. Continuous or high-level stress can lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, loss of appetite, increased blood pressure, chest pain, sexual dysfunction, and problems sleeping. Stress can also cause or influence a broad range of physical health conditions such as heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome and mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety.
What is trauma?
Any event that involves exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence has the potential to be traumatic. The trauma experienced can be of a physical and/or mental nature and not everyone will respond in the same way.
What is traumatic for one person, may not be for another and visa versa. Examples of traumatic events are car accidents, natural disasters, hijackings, home invasions, sexual assault, difficult childbirth experiences or a pandemic.
What is trauma?
Any event that involves exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence has the potential to be traumatic. The trauma experienced can be of a physical and/or mental nature and not everyone will respond in the same way.
What is traumatic for one person, may not be for another and visa versa. Examples of traumatic events are car accidents, natural disasters, hijackings, home invasions, sexual assault, difficult childbirth experiences or a pandemic.
Symptoms of psychological trauma
We all react to trauma in different ways, experiencing a wide range of physical and emotional reactions. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to think, feel, or respond, so don’t judge your own reactions or those of other people. Your responses are NORMAL reactions to ABNORMAL events.
Emotional and psychological symptoms:
- Shock, denial, or disbelief.
- Confusion, difficulty concentrating.
- Anger, irritability, mood swings.
- Anxiety and fear.
- Guilt, shame, self-blame.
- Withdrawing from others.
- Feeling sad or hopeless.
- Feeling disconnected or numb.
Physical symptoms:
- Insomnia or nightmares.
- Fatigue.
- Being startled easily.
- Difficulty concentrating.
- Racing heartbeat.
- Edginess and agitation.
- Aches and pains.
- Muscle tension.
Trauma and mental illness
Experiencing a trauma can contribute to the development of many different forms of mental illness such as depressive and anxiety disorders, alcohol and substance use disorders, and self-harm and suicide-related behaviours. Childhood trauma experiences can also increase the risk of developing mental illness. Some people may develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which is a mental health condition that is triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts about the events, often disrupting their daily functioning.
In the first days and weeks after a traumatic event, people often experience heightened arousal, alertness, looking for danger and being on guard. These reactions often alternate with numbness and detachment. Developing PTSD also brings constant memories of the event and feelings that it may happen again. It can evoke strong feelings of fear, sadness, guilt, anger, or grief. Generally, these reactions and feelings will resolve on their own over the next few weeks, however if the reactions and distress continue, it may mean that the person has is at risk for developing PTSD or another mental health condition and professional help should be sought.
What to do when someone is experiencing stress or trauma
It’s not uncommon to feel sad, stressed, angry or anxious occasionally. However, if you notice that a friend or family member is experiencing these feelings for long periods and it’s starting to affect their everyday life, it’s probably time to check if they are OK. Your friend or family member may have shared with you that they have been diagnosed with a mental health illness (for example anxiety, depression, eating disorder, OCD or personality disorder) or you may be aware that they have experienced some kind of trauma. Even if they are seeing a professional, you can still show support. Below are some of the signs that your friend/family member has mental health challenges and how you can help. Don’t forget, it’s important to check in with yourself first to make sure you’re in the right head space before starting this conversation.
Signs that it is time to check in
- Excessive worrying or feelings of depression, guilt, worthlessness or feeling an exaggerated sense of “high”
- Changes in sleep, weight, personal hygiene or general participation at work/school
- Loss of interest in general day-to-day life
- Withdrawn and socially avoidant
What you should NOT say
- It’s all in your head
- G-d only gives you what you can manage
- Things could be worse
- Snap out if it!
- You have so much to be grateful for a great life, beautiful children and good job
- Have you tried chamomile tea
- This too shall pass
- You need to just believe more
Helpful things to say to someone who is struggling emotionally
- Can you tell me a bit more about what’s going on?
- If you want to tell me more, I’m here to listen
- I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately, is there something on your mind?
- I can see this is hard for you to talk about, it’s OK to take your time, I’m in no rush
Symptoms of psychological trauma
We all react to trauma in different ways, experiencing a wide range of physical and emotional reactions. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to think, feel, or respond, so don’t judge your own reactions or those of other people. Your responses are NORMAL reactions to ABNORMAL events.
Emotional and psychological symptoms:
- Shock, denial, or disbelief.
- Confusion, difficulty concentrating.
- Anger, irritability, mood swings.
- Anxiety and fear.
- Guilt, shame, self-blame.
- Withdrawing from others.
- Feeling sad or hopeless.
- Feeling disconnected or numb.
Physical symptoms:
- Insomnia or nightmares.
- Fatigue.
- Being startled easily.
- Difficulty concentrating.
- Racing heartbeat.
- Edginess and agitation.
- Aches and pains.
- Muscle tension.
Trauma and mental illness
Experiencing a trauma can contribute to the development of many different forms of mental illness such as depressive and anxiety disorders, alcohol and substance use disorders, and self-harm and suicide-related behaviours. Childhood trauma experiences can also increase the risk of developing mental illness. Some people may develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which is a mental health condition that is triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts about the events, often disrupting their daily functioning.
In the first days and weeks after a traumatic event, people often experience heightened arousal, alertness, looking for danger and being on guard. These reactions often alternate with numbness and detachment. Developing PTSD also brings constant memories of the event and feelings that it may happen again. It can evoke strong feelings of fear, sadness, guilt, anger, or grief. Generally, these reactions and feelings will resolve on their own over the next few weeks, however if the reactions and distress continue, it may mean that the person has is at risk for developing PTSD or another mental health condition and professional help should be sought.
What to do when someone is experiencing stress or trauma
It’s not uncommon to feel sad, stressed, angry or anxious occasionally. However, if you notice that a friend or family member is experiencing these feelings for long periods and it’s starting to affect their everyday life, it’s probably time to check if they are OK. Your friend or family member may have shared with you that they have been diagnosed with a mental health illness (for example anxiety, depression, eating disorder, OCD or personality disorder) or you may be aware that they have experienced some kind of trauma. Even if they are seeing a professional, you can still show support. Below are some of the signs that your friend/family member has mental health challenges and how you can help. Don’t forget, it’s important to check in with yourself first to make sure you’re in the right head space before starting this conversation.
Signs that it is time to check in
- Excessive worrying or feelings of depression, guilt, worthlessness or feeling an exaggerated sense of “high”
- Changes in sleep, weight, personal hygiene or general participation at work/school
- Loss of interest in general day-to-day life
- Withdrawn and socially avoidant
What you should NOT say
- It’s all in your head
- G-d only gives you what you can manage
- Things could be worse
- Snap out if it!
- You have so much to be grateful for a great life, beautiful children and good job
- Have you tried chamomile tea
- This too shall pass
- You need to just believe more
Helpful things to say to someone who is struggling emotionally
- Can you tell me a bit more about what’s going on?
- If you want to tell me more, I’m here to listen
- I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately, is there something on your mind?
- I can see this is hard for you to talk about, it’s OK to take your time, I’m in no rush