YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

When you

may need to

ask R U OK?

YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

When you may need to ask R U OK?

Friends, family and colleagues won’t always tell you that they aren’t doing ok. They may feel ashamed or embarrassed, or they may not want to burden anyone with their struggles. They may also feel that no one will understand what they are going through or that they may be judged.

It’s important to make asking R U OK?, a regular part of relationship with friends, family, colleagues and associates. The earlier you make the space for someone to open up and share with you, the quicker you will be able to help them find the appropriate help that they need. If necessary, they may need to seek professional help and the sooner this happens, the greater the chance, that together, you can take small steps that lead to big change and stop problems from feeling insurmountable. Beside for regular check-ins, here are some times when checking in may become very important:

Friends, family and colleagues won’t always tell you that they aren’t doing ok. They may feel ashamed or embarrassed, or they may not want to burden anyone with their struggles. They may also feel that no one will understand what they are going through or that they may be judged.

It’s important to make asking R U OK?, a regular part of relationship with friends, family, colleagues and associates. The earlier you make the space for someone to open up and share with you, the quicker you will be able to help them find the appropriate help that they need. If necessary, they may need to seek professional help and the sooner this happens, the greater the chance, that together, you can take small steps that lead to big change and stop problems from feeling insurmountable. Beside for regular check-ins, here are some times when checking in may become very important:

Red flags

• If someone is in a difficult relationship or they have just ended a relationship.
• If they are experiencing high levels of stress at home or work.
• If they have recently experienced a loss (a loved one, job, income changes, a pet or a relationship).
• If they are dealing with major health problems (physical and/or mental).
• If they have experienced a major disappointment (missed job opportunity, failed exam).
• If they have recently faced major life changes (children leaving home, divorce or separation, retirement, redundancy).
• If they have experienced a trauma (fire, sexual assault, accident, home invasion).
• Suicide of a family member, friend or public figure.

Red flags

• If someone is in a difficult relationship or they have just ended a relationship.
• If they are experiencing high levels of stress at home or work.
• If they have recently experienced a loss (a loved one, job, income changes, a pet or a relationship).
• If they are dealing with major health problems (physical and/or mental).
• If they have experienced a major disappointment (missed job opportunity, failed exam).
• If they have recently faced major life changes (children leaving home, divorce or separation, retirement, redundancy).
• If they have experienced a trauma (fire, sexual assault, accident, home invasion).
• Suicide of a family member, friend or public figure.

Other red flags

People may sound irrational and confused, they may be more self-critical and feel as if they can’t cope or control things in their lives.

They may say things like:

• I can’t do this anymore, I’m just so tired.
• I just feel so trapped in my life.
• I feel so out of control, I just can’t cope.
• It would really just be better if I wasn’t here.
• I just wish it would all end.
• I’m just so alone.

There may be changes in people’s behaviour:

• Lack of interest in things that previously gave them pleasure.
• Not coming to shul/sport/activities anymore when they used to be a regular.
• Agitated.
• More aggressive.
• Loss or gain in weight.
• Loss of interest in/obsessive interest in their appearance.
• Risky behaviours such as gambling, drinking, drugging or having an affair.

Other red flags

People may sound irrational and confused, they may be more self-critical and feel as if they can’t cope or control things in their lives.

They may say things like:

• I can’t do this anymore, I’m just so tired.
• I just feel so trapped in my life.
• I feel so out of control, I just can’t cope.
• It would really just be better if I wasn’t here.
• I just wish it would all end.
• I’m just so alone.

There may be changes in people’s behaviour:

• Lack of interest in things that previously gave them pleasure.
• Not coming to shul/sport/activities anymore when they used to be a regular.
• Agitated.
• More aggressive.
• Loss or gain in weight.
• Loss of interest in/obsessive interest in their appearance.
• Risky behaviours such as gambling, drinking, drugging or having an affair.

Tips for getting them professional help

Suggest you call an Emotional Support Line together
Offer to go with them to an emergency department or family doctor.
Take them somewhere where they feel safe, but won’t be alone.

What if someone is immediate danger?

If you feel someone’s life is in immediate danger, call:

EMERGENCY LINE

Remember the red flags, and if they have a plan, a means and intention, act quickly and call an emergency line, don’t delay.

If you think someone is having suicidal thoughts, DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK THEM- asking someone if they are suicidal will NOT lead to suicide.

The emotional support line is also there to help you think this through and formulate a plan to reach out and ask RU OK?

How to ask if someone is suicidal?

”It seems that you are really depressed, have you been thinking about taking your life?”

If the answer is yes, there are a few important steps to take:

Keep them safe- people who are suicidal should NOT be left alone.
Get professional help IMMEDIATELY.
Remove any dangerous items in their immediate environment such as pills, ropes, weapons, knives or blades. If they have said that they have a plan, this is particularly important.
Do not agree to keep their plan a SECRET. Keep talking and listening to them and remain positive about what professional help can do in terms of getting them through this tough time. You could say things like: “it’s time for us to find you the correct professional help to support you through this. I can try help you with this process. You may feel alone, but you aren’t. We can try work this out together.”
Try and work out who they trust the most, this may be a friend, Rabbi, doctor or family member. Tell them that you would like to make contact with that person so that they can get the correct help. Encourage them to access the correct help.

Making a safety plan

What should you include in the safety plan?

When: when should you use the plan; what triggers may make you feel suicidal. List the thoughts, feelings and situations that may cause suicidal feelings.

What: list the things that make you feel calm and help you self-regulate when you’re feeling suicidal eg. Listening to music, taking a bath.

Write: write a list of things that you feel are worth living for. When you are feeling suicidal it’s difficult to recall these and only focus on the pain. The list can help remind you of the positives that you may have forgotten.

People: people you can talk to when you are feeling suicidal – list everyone that you could speak to including parents, friends. List their names and contact details and have back-ups in case they aren’t available

Professionals: list their names and numbers, school counsellors, social workers, psychologists, GP.

Environment: make your environment safe by removing anything that you may use to kill yourself, medication, rope, knives, guns, matches etc. Make a list of things that you may use to hurt yourself and make a plan to remove them.

Emergency contacts: list emergency contacts (Connect/Hatzolah Emergency line) and have the numbers ready and available should you feel that you are actively suicidal and still feeling unsafe.

Commitment: make a commitment to your safety plan. This means committing to yourself out loud and to someone else (friend/family member/therapist) that you will stick to the plan when feeling suicidal.